I was staying in a hotel in Portsmouth working at the local rag. I had installed and new line and was working nights watching them to ensure that the machines run ok.
Like I was saying I was in this hotel and a salesman was with me (during the day anyway!). We were to meet up in the restaurant where he was going to buy me dinner. So as usual I was down early waiting at the bar when I looked round and saw him. Now this guy did not walk, he swanned! He certainly had an air of arrogance about him; he was also very pompous. It was so funny to watch! (to me anyway but I am easily amused). With that said he was still a gent with an accent which was a bit la-de-da. He told me to get a table while he would bring some drinks through.
I walked into the restaurant and headed for a table. I was stopped by this maître d’ who I can tell you put shivers up my spine. She was a monster; huge, boggled eyed and fully moustached, to be honest I was scared!!!! Anyway she order me back, which I promptly obeyed and asked if it had booked a table. I looked around to see one couple and a single bloke in the entire room; the restaurant was not small. I raised my eyebrows and readied myself for the obvious question i.e. Why? She looked at me and I knew there and then not to say the question, instead I answered “No“. I have never heard such a condescending tut in my life but I let it go. She ushered me to a table where I waited for the salesman.
In he swanned carrying two pints, spotted me and continued on towards me. “Are you with him?” the maître d’ growled, pointing an accusing finger at me. The man near pee’d himself. His face portrayed the look of sheer terror and his quivering voice could only utter “Er … Yes madam“! She gave a disapproving look and did that ‘tut’ again. The salesman sat down at the table and asked what I had done to upset her. Nothing of course!
For some reason my mood changed to a very mischievous one. This was helped with the waitress being quite pretty and fun. There was a lot of innuendos going on. The meal turned out quite a laugh. Meal finished I went to work.
Next evening the salesman called me and said he had booked into the hotel for the rest of the week and was I up for dinner again. Free meal, why not.
The evening start in fully deja vu mode. Me at bar, salesman swans in, I get table, he gets drinks. However, this time when I entered the restaurant the maître d’ clocked me straight away and said “What are you doing upsetting my staff?”. What, when, how all questions floated into my head. “You upset Charlotte the waitress serving you last night!”, she continued. Well on the back foot, not understanding why the waitress was upset, all I could say was “It wasn’t me, the guy I was with last night, you know, the older chap? Well he’s a bit of a pervert, likes the younger girls, it was him”, I joked, trying to smile. She gave me a toe curling look then told me to find a table. I walked to the far side of the restaurant and waited for the fireworks to begin. 🙂
The salesman swanned in carrying drinks but the maître d’ was busy talking at her staff. The salesman had just put the drinks on the table and sat down when “YOU!” was bellowed from the other side of the restaurant. The salesman froze and with chairs and tables being barged and hurled out of the way the maître d’ charged towards us like a pissed off rhinoceros.
“You..“, she repeated, “…pervert, preying on my staff, who do you think you are?” she demanded. The salesman mouth quivering said “Er….er…er…It wasn’t me it was him!” pointing an accusing finger at me. As cool as a cucumber, I shook my head and replied “Don’t lie “, then added a look of disbelief for good measure. His mouth just dropped! [hehe] With that the maître d’ told him that she will speak to the manager and ensure that this was the last night he would ever stay in the hotel.
The conversation at the table after that was ..er…a bit strained. Dinner finished I headed off quick smart but still chuckling at the situation. Charlotte had not been at work that night.
The following night Charlotte was working. I asked her what I had done wrong and she said nothing, it was just that the maître d’ was pissed that she had spent a lot of time at our table, so she said that we had upset her. To get some sympathy and deflect that she was in trouble herself. She did not realise what trouble she would get us into. I said for her not to worry and told her what went on. Oh did she laugh! As it turned out, at the end of my nights, I went on a night out with her and all the staff and had a great time.
It was about a month later when I bumped into the salesman who was still not best pleased to see me. I just shook my head and laughed. Pompous git! 😉
Mutant Monkey
Mut4nt Monk3y 